


i fought in a war

by stormtongue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Sibling Incest, Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Top Thor (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 10:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormtongue/pseuds/stormtongue
Summary: “I do love you. I love you so much I... I don’t have the words to say it. Every moment after I saw you die, you were with me. Like you had left your body on Svartalfheim and come to live inside mine instead. You were on my shoulder, breathing down my neck, watching everything I did. You were in my mouth, steering my tongue. You were my heart, pumping yourself through my body. You kept me alive. Everything I did was in grief. Everything. For you.”Thor and Loki try for a moment of peace on Asgard before going looking for Odin, but between them, there can never be mere peace.





	i fought in a war

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Ragnarok (2017) after Thor returns to Asgard with Surtur's crown, but before they leave for Midgard.

Thor’s voice was low and controlled coming from the other side of the half-lit bath chamber. “I didn’t want to stay away. I wanted to come back. You  _ know  _ this, brother. I had... other commitments.” 

 

He was seated low in the deep, stone tub, steam rising around him, frizzing out his dirty blonde hair. The haze it created made it difficult for Loki to read his expression across the cavernous, stone-walled room. Though Thor had just gotten back to Asgard, they were to leave for Midgard the next day. Thor had proclaimed that he wanted to leave immediately, not wishing to leave his father alone for a minute longer than necessary, but Loki had convinced him of Odin’s security. He had been there for years, anyway. What was happening, what  _ could _ happen on Asgard just seemed more important. Loki knew that Thor needed this time alone, just a short moment of rest before they moved on to the next fire, as much as he himself did. Brothers had words to speak.

 

Loki was having none of the practiced lines. “That’s bullshit, Thor. There was nothing for you here.” Loki needed this. It was a curious phenomenon, having Thor here once again. Their roles had reversed; he was wresting the truth from his brother, needing to hear the words from Thor’s mouth: that he could not bear to be in Asgard when Loki’s echo was still so strongly emanating from it. Not even to see his father again. 

 

Thor dipped his face forward into the water, splashing it up and into his hair. The light from the stained windows behind him played upon the airborne droplets, coloring each of them a different shade. Loki was glad he had convinced him to stay just a single night upon Asgard. He had been away for too long, worked too hard; washing the dirt and soot and grime from his tired body must have been healing. Loki watched him hungrily from his seat across the cavelike room. Thor had allowed him in, to his great surprise, when he knocked cautiously after a carefully-planned span of time. But he had kept his distance.

 

He wanted to be closer. He wanted to strip the sticky leathers from his skin, walk to the bath as fast as he could without seeming too eager, step inside and be encompassed by the comforting warmth of the water, nudge closer and closer to his brother until Thor took him in his arms not out of Loki’s need for it but from his own desire. Cradle his face next to Thor’s, breathe the air from out his lungs. Be once again alive and whole and one together. But he doubted that Thor too wanted this, so he stayed. 

 

Thor let the silence sit for far too long. He had never been a natural liar, but had been around Loki far too long to not recognize the power he held with his words. No doubt this was what he now thought on. Loki watched him, eyes never leaving his brother’s face. His glare would force the truth out of Thor, surely; Thor could not lie when confronted with an adversary’s true gaze. If Thor would only look up and meet his eyes, Loki knew he would have all he wanted.

 

Thor busied himself with action instead, scrubbing his shoulders and neck and back until they were red, buying himself more time. He was so unlike Loki. He lied through omittance only; he said nothing when he had nothing good to say. The pit at the bottom of Loki’s stomach opened up more and more the longer the silence stretched, threatening to swallow up more and more of his sanity. But he persisted.

 

Finally, after every millimeter of Thor’s body was fresh and gleaming and pink, he looked up. His face was entirely blank, but he met Loki’s eyes with determination. 

 

“Yes, Loki. You’re right. You got me. What is it that you want to hear?” 

 

Loki looked away. He’d have to ask for it, then.  _ So fucking be it _ . 

 

“I want to hear the truth. I want to hear that you couldn’t live without me. I want to hear that you were suffering as much as I was.” Loki struggled to keep his voice steady, to keep his body seated on the bench, to nonchalantly lean against the wall when this was the most important thing he had done since Thor had left him last. He looked up and spoke to the ceiling, hoping the reverberations would hit Thor harder than speaking to his face. “It wasn’t easy, you know. It wasn’t easy being  _ him _ all the time, pretending to be dead, wondering where in the nine realms you were and if you were alive. Wondering if you had fallen in love with anyone else again. So tell me. Tell me what I want to hear, Thor. Or leave me be.” He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut, to leave, to flee from this claustrophobia. The chasm inside him was threatening to swallow him whole. But he couldn’t move. Thor was a magnet. 

 

A magnet for which Loki was its opposite. Thor stood up, a modicum of sorrow beginning to creep over his veil of blankness, and slowly climbed the steps built into the stone tub to approach his seated brother. He did not dry or cover himself up. His shoulders seemed to span Loki’s entire sight line.

 

Loki’s heart seemed to have stopped completely, the blood in his veins halting, his body suddenly frozen in time while his mind kept moving, adrenaline rushing behind his eyes. The closer Thor, beautiful, resplendent, bare Thor, moved to him, the stronger fear took hold of him. He needed to flee, turn into a moth and escape out the stained-glass window, fly up and up and into the nearest star and burn up and become one with the dust forever, but no, no, it was too late, Thor had reached him, he had failed, he was trapped, Thor was reaching down to take his neck, all the better to crush it, to end this, Loki couldn’t look anymore-

 

But it was gentle. It was soft and warm and lovely and Loki felt his blood begin moving again, all of it rushing towards Thor’s touch, every cell of him wishing to be in contact with his beloved brother.

 

He was far too close. Loki had no choice but to meet his eyes. They said everything; Loki had forgotten how to read his brother like this, but at his touch his practice had flooded back. Their bodies had always said what their mouths refused to. 

 

Thor spoke anyway. He didn’t like being misunderstood. “You’re right, Loki. You are right about everything. As always. Never doubt that you know me.” Still standing, still looking down upon his brother, dripping hot water all over everything, Loki was  _ ruined.  _

 

Thor’s other hand balled up into a fist, but the one on Loki remained soft. He continued. “I do love you. I love you so much I... I don’t have the words to say it. Every moment after I saw you die, you were with me. Like you had left your body on Svartalfheim and come to live inside mine instead. You were on my shoulder, breathing down my neck, watching everything I did. You were in my mouth, steering my tongue. You were my heart, pumping yourself through my body. You kept me alive. Everything I did was in grief. Everything. For you.”

 

Loki couldn’t stand it anymore. These words coming out of his brother pounded on his eardrums, striking guilt into him harder and harder with each one. He hated it. The touch on his neck was growing hotter and hotter, burning his skin, congealing the blood beneath. He was raw now, too. 

 

He ripped Thor’s hand from him, wanting to run from the dank chamber, to leave forever and erase every memory of him from Thor’s brain, to heal the pain from him by absence alone. But he couldn’t. Thor didn’t let him. His other hand was on Loki’s arm, pulling him up into the hug Loki could not have deserved, squeezing him until all of his air was gone and he was full of Thor and nothing else. 

 

“And I never stopped loving you. No matter how much it hurt,” he whispered in Loki’s ear, for him and him alone, not for the air or the walls or for Thor himself, but because he knew Loki needed it the most.

 

And Loki was hugging him back. Muscles free from their horrible numbness, he let all of his energy flow out through his skin, bonding him into the hard, strong planes of Thor’s chest, fingers gripping his shoulder blades, until there was no more space between their bodies. 

 

Loki was out of words, but he had so much to communicate, so much to give. He would let his mouth tell the truth the only way it could. He shifted his head and proffered his lips to Thor, to do what he so pleased, be it biting them off or punching them or perhaps, though Loki knew he didn’t deserve it, kissing them. 

 

Thor chose the latter. Loki opened his mouth up and let Thor take it, to take his breath and his sorrow, wishing for him to suck out the lies and uncertainty and fear and replace it with love and understanding. And so he did. Loki felt the tension melting away under Thor’s warm hands moving up and down his back, but it wasn’t enough, he craved the burning, caustic heat all over him. He wanted to take Thor and submerge them entirely in the bathtub, because underwater he may be encompassed fully by the fever. He wanted to breathe in and find his lungs full of a substance he could not live on. But Thor’s mouth would not let him. Thor always shouldered hardship better than Loki could. 

 

The chasm inside Loki was filling itself with arousal, love and lust mingling in a swirling tempest waiting to erupt with thunder.

 

Loki broke away and immediately missed the taste that had so filled up his mouth, trying to imprint the feel of his brother’s tongue upon his into his muscle memory, and hurriedly pulled his shirt off over his head. Thor understood immediately  _ (didn’t he always?) _ and helped, pulling off his garments until they were matching in their bareness. They scrambled back into the bath, water splashing up around the sides, covering the very room with sin-tainted molecules. Their lips met again and Loki was burning all around from the outside in. But not far in enough.

 

They stood now against the opposite edge, both having grown hard somewhere betwixt the bench and the bath. The filtered sunlight from the stained glass above set prismatic colors upon their skin, expansive chests and backs and legs painted a rainbow of bright shades filtering through the dark water. Thor’s hands were still upon his brother’s neck, still cradling him, but Loki’s had migrated downwards across the mesas and valleys of Thor’s abdomen, down to knot in the curly hair around his cock. He took him in a hand, not rubbing, but simply grasping him, memories of old flowing back through his fingertips. This was the way they were meant to be.

 

Thor responded in kind by clutching Loki’s neck harder, almost cutting off his air for a moment. It was enough to make him entirely intoxicated. Loki gasped and Thor responded by moving his hands down to his waist and picking him up easily, setting him on the drenched stone side of the bath. Loki could not deserve this. But Thor’s life was sacrifice.

 

“Thor, I-” Loki tried to... do what, exactly? Stop him? Tell him their roles should be reversed, that it should be Loki worshipping at his brother’s waist? Thor looked up into Loki’s eyes and darkened his face, shutting him up, and filled his mouth instead with Loki’s slightly-curved cock. A high whimper escaped Loki’s throat before he could stifle it. It had been years,  _ years _ , since he had been taken by Thor in this way. He had thought it over forever the moment he saw how his brother looked at that mortal woman, Jane, that was her name, he cursed it again... but no, Thor was here again, Thor was full of Loki, giving him what he had given up on. 

 

Loki wanted to let his head lay back, sink fully into pleasure and ignorance, but couldn’t tear his eyes away from the face in front of him. Thor, who would drop everything, sacrifice his very life, his honor, his dignity, if only to better please his beloved brother, giving him all he had when he should have been taking. His head bobbed up and down Loki’s length simply and faithfully, never one for theatrics like Loki was, but Loki wouldn’t wish it any other way. He was growing close already from so long untaken, but didn’t want to let it go yet. He needed to give something back in return.

 

With one long, final exhale, Loki pushed Thor gently back off of him and slid back into the water, mouth meeting mouth again. “Thank you,” Loki breathed, and felt his brother smile against him. 

 

“You’re not done, are you?” This made Loki smile, too, his brother was back, and this was the best feeling he could ever manage. He laughed softly and turned, pulling him up the stairs by the hand and down onto a thick furry rug beside the bath. Thor nearly collapsed on top of him and their kissing grew deeper as Loki wrapped his legs around his brother’s narrow waist. Thor was almost rutting into him already, unable to wait a minute longer. His breath was growing more and more beleaguered, and Loki wished to switch their positions so he could give more of what he wished to, but Thor would not let him. Instead, he shimmied down, lifting Loki’s legs up higher undoubtedly to continue what he had started in the bath, but no, he kept moving downwards, his beard tickling Loki’s testicles, and settled at his entrance. He exhaled a warm breath onto it and started planting kisses around it before sticking his tongue out slowly and making Loki jump. Loki tensed fully before relaxing into the sensation of wet warmth on delicate skin. Only one issue remained in his mind.

 

“I know it... might have been different before with...” he trailed off, “never mind, I’m afraid that... this might not be enough for me... it’s been a while...” There was a bit of a scowl in Loki’s voice, but Thor’s tongue traipsed around his hole once more, instantly wiping it off his face in favor of a surprised smile. Thor sat back up on his knees and grinned.

 

“Ah, that’s my brother. Never content to just be happy, eh?” He stood up and meandered proudly over to the heavy wood cabinet in the corner, opening each of the little drawers until he found what he was looking for. He unstoppered the bottle and poured a little onto his hands as he walked over, slicking himself in preparation.

 

“You know, maybe with you around again, I can be.” Loki meant to say it in jest, but found the words came out sounding much more sincere than he expected. This made Thor’s smile grow even wider.

 

“I hope so. It looks good on you.” He knelt back down and slid his index finger into Loki without hesitation, making his back arch at the sudden intrusion, a cry escaping from his throat. Thor chuckled. “I missed that, too.” He pulled it out and stuck another in. Impatient, this one.

 

“I’m...ahh... I’m sure you did,” Loki managed to sputter out between shaky breaths. Thor’s two fingers slid out and back in, a bit slower this time, and started to stroke inside of him. “I confess that I did, as well.” 

 

“I’m still mad at you, you know.” His voice suggested precisely the opposite. He pulled his fingers out and lined up the head of his imposing cock at the fluttering hole. 

 

Loki’s breath caught, heart pounding with anticipation. “You should be. I deserve it-” The words were barely a whisper, but Thor heard them nonetheless, because his face was now upon Loki’s again, sound cut off by the deep thrust of Thor’s cock all the way inside of him. It was replaced by Thor’s deep, guttural grunt, and Loki knew in that moment that no other that Thor had ever been inside of could compare to how he felt right now. He pulled his hips back slightly and thrust them forward again, even deeper this time, hitting Loki’s ends and beginnings and resetting his insides into a better configuration. His eyes watered at the pain, but he cherished it, he truly  _ did _ deserve it, especially at the hand of this god who was his brother and more.

 

Thor was bracing his hands on either side of Loki’s head, leaving Loki to use his own to reach up and stroke Thor’s noble face, feel each muscle quiver as he thrusted forward each time, so glad to finally be able to give back to Thor what he deserved. Thor would not say what Loki knew he was thinking because he didn’t need to. They both knew his body told every truth he owned and that each unit of energy and love he gave to Loki he would receive tenfold in return, because this was who Thor  _ was _ , someone who could only take happiness when he was giving it. 

 

And right now, he was giving it so forcefully that Loki could feel his brain shutting down, going into survival mode, feeling naught but pleasure and fullness and delicious violence. He would not last much longer; he took himself in hand and squeezed, moving it down and back up almost imperceptibly until he was  _ gone _ , coating both their chests in milk-white seed. Thor felt it and opened his eyes and looked down and he too was taken, spilling his own into Loki’s body, flooding him. It burned him from the inside, finally finding a spot deep enough to fulfill him, and only Thor could have perfected him in this way. 

 

Their eyes met and they kissed once more. 

 

Thor slowly exited Loki and collapsed onto the rug next to him. Loki squeezed himself shut, not wanting to lose a drip of the godseed inside of him. He rolled to his side to look at Thor, utterly exhausted next to him on the ground. He looked exquisite and drained and invigorated, chest still heaving, closed eyelids facing up into the abyss. 

 

Loki smirked. “Are you still mad at me now, brother?”   
  


Thor didn’t open his eyes, but they crinkled around the sides as he smiled. “I think I left all my anger inside your asshole, Loki.” And at this, they both burst out laughing, unable to be serious at the gravity of the situation. This was their duty, this was their destiny, their coping mechanism. This was what they did. 

 

Tomorrow, they would have to go find their father. Tomorrow, they would have to walk through fire again, risk themselves, risk each other, risk it all. But today, they had peace.


End file.
